What we have here..
is a list of people who got real famous real quick, and then evaporated even quicker. Most of these guys/gals disappear because they fuck up somewhere along the line and end up on a hotel balcony with a belly full of booze and a head full of ‘cid just a few short months later. Metaphorically, of course. The following people are, in my opinion, the most interesting/stupid of them all. I shall share a video/picture of why they rose, and will follow up with a short explanation of why most people/me decided to cast them aside.
1. Corey Delaney and his biblical house party
This guy. Corey Delaney the 16 year-old Australian phenom threw a party of epic proportions at his parents house while they were out of town. Tons of people show up, shit gets fucked up, yada yada yada. If I were a betting man, which I am, I’d bet a few clams on the party not actually being that cool.
Quite the bet isnt it.
But the story of Corey Delaney would not be nearly as notable if it weren’t for the crazy bitch doing the interview. I mean honestly. “You don’t sound very sorry.” She should have started with a pretty basic, “Why are you so stupid? No one can figure it out.” She gets way out of line near the end of their chat, and begins almost demonically commanding he remove his super sick looking sunglasses. Check that, his “famous” sunglasses. Yeah Corey, they were famous. For about…..wait for it….15 minutes.
So what is that nipple-pierced cheesehead doing with himself now?
Answer: no one cares.
That’s because the story just lacks the stability required to endure a long run at the top. Smart ass kid throws a huge house party and shit gets crazy. At least now we know where the writers of Project X got their original and complex story idea. Heyyyooo. I wonder how long it took Corey to get ready for the interview. The answer to that question tells us everything we need to know about this pissbrain.
2. Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wives, and Hide Yo Husbands
Yeah. Had to do it. This guy was huge for awhile. Everyone knows the story, so forgive this quick summary. Apparently Kelly Dodson’s was, “attacked, by some idiot from out here in the projects.” Good thing her brother Antoine was nearby. And he showed up and kicked some serious ass..allegedly. I would pay a decent amount of money to watch that battle. Check that, no I wouldn’t.
So you see the video and it’s very clear something is up with this guy. He speaks strangely and his body language is a bit confusing. But that’s okay, he just saved his sister from getting raped, and that’s pretty much all that matters. Right? Hold the phone BRO
Terrible idea for Antoine there. Shows up on the late show dressed as a woman. Anddd everyone decides he’s really weird, and the support tumbles off the wagon. See, we suspect certain things when we see the first video, but we’re willing to ignore them because of the story of Antoine’s admirable actions. But then he decides to take those suspicions, load them into a cannon, and lights the goddamn thing right when Lopez announces his name. BOOM. FACIAL. Fine with me if you want to appear on television dressed like a woman, but just know that a lot of people think that’s weird, and if you want to stay on top, you can’t fuck wit us like that. Oh he’s a hero, oh he talks like a hillbilly and it’s funny, oh wait he wishes he were a woman, ohwait nowitstoolateandnoonecares.
3. Kimbo Slice
Slice, a Miami native, rose to the top of everyones cool list when he and his amphetamine chewing cohorts began uploading videos of their Alpha Male (Kimbo) beating the piss out of local challengers. It was very entertaining stuff. Kimbo fought well, interviewed well, and actually seemed like a decent human being. Couple thousand years ago, Kimbo probably runs an entire continent. To his credit, Kimbo played his cards pretty well. He struck while the mma iron was white-hot and somehow conned Dana White into getting him a spot on The Ultimate Fighter, where he was a valued member of Rampage Jackson’s team…so that provided a few months of quality television. Too bad he lost in his first fight against Roy ‘Big Country’ Nelson.
Big Country be bossin’
That cracked the flood gates. Slowly, all Kimbo’s fans began forcing down the fact that as cool as Kimbo was/is…the guy isn’t a great fighter. Well, he’s great in Aunt Jemima’s backyard when he’s hopped up on PCP and fighting to feed his 12 kids. I’m not joking I actually think he has like 12 kids. We saw shades of that when he lost in a first round TKO to some idiot rocking a pink mohawk and a background in karate. Slippery slope indeed. Kimbo lost his last fight in the octagon against Matt Mitrione, and has since fallen off the face of the earth. Fun ride though Kimbo. Fun ride. Evidently he still hasn’t found ‘the enemy’
4. The Original Recipe 4Loko
You remember these things. “Liquid Cocaine”. Bunch of fratdaddys out of Ohio St. decide caffeine and alcohol go great together, so they found this company called Phusion Projects and start pumping out this beverage they called ‘Four Loko’. The origin of the name? The 4 original ingredients: Alcohol, Caffeine, Taurine, and Guarana. The drink was served in a 23.5 ounce can and clocked in at a blistering 12.0% alcohol by content. The potion smashed onto the scene in 2010 and was aggressively marketed toward a younger, more spirited demographic.
And ohhh my goodness did they fuck people up.
A call to the young and willing. And they showed up in masses, experimenting with the newest of the uncommon flavors. Watermelon, Blue Raspberry, and Grape were popular choices solely on the basis of uniqueness, if nothing else. It was like picking a Dum-Dum.. if that Dum Dum turned you into a DarkSeeker that acted purely upon its own self-centered instincts. So how do we describe these demonic refreshments?
“Dark madness,” says a fellow drinker.
Sounds like fun. Why did they disappear? Leave it to some drunken college students to take things a bit too far, and a few girls end up dying. So the FDA got involved and soon enough, they were off the shelves. Only to be replaced shortly after by a newer, unleaded version that lacked the most distinct of the 4 original ingredients: caffeine. If it were up to me, these things would still be the AK-47s they once were. But after what seemed like just a few short months of grandeur, 4lokos were gone.
Chat Roulette, Wiz Khalifa, the Sham-Wow guy, the ‘Dude-you’re-getting-a-Dell’ guy, the jacked Old Spice dude, Dane Cook, Jeremy Lin, Chad OchoCinco, Lil Wayne